In fairness, it is an Anxiety group. Everyone else there will be in the exact same position as me. And it's only a small group of about 5 people (although I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse).
I am absolutely terrified. It is completely outside of my comfort zone. I guess that's the point really. The more I think about it, the more worries I have about it. Some of the things I am worrying about are:
- Icebreakers. I hate 'icebreakers'. They are always so cringey, and I never know any more about a person after the task than before. And I never think of anything good or original to say about myself.
- Group Activities. I'm hoping we will just sit there and talk. I hate that awkward situation where I'm the only one without a partner. I also hate asking to be someone's partner.I saw this photo of a group CBT session and it's probably my worst nightmare. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
- Standing Up. Standing up in front of people makes me feel so isolated with everyone looking at me. Again, I really hope we just sit down and talk.
- I don't actually want to tell anybody anything. Before all this I only wanted to talk to a therapist and for them to tell me what I needed to do. I know it sounds stupid (because I'm writing about it on a blog) but I don't want anyone to know.
- That I'm not going to get better. To be honest, I can't imagine not feeling this anxious ever again. 12 weeks doesn't seem like enough time to completely change my lifelong way of thinking.
Why on earth am I doing it? Well, firstly the therapist reckons its the best treatment for me. Plus, she's said that if I don't like it I can swap to one-on-one CBT if need be. There's no harm in giving it a go. It will be good for my blog, as I haven't yet come across anybody that has done it. So it might be nice for all of you to hear about!
The problem with group therapy is that it's not flexible. My group will meet at 2pm for an hour and a half every Monday for 10 weeks, which is slap bang in the middle of my working day. It's meant that I had to tell my boss and all relevant people at work about what's going on. They've been ok with it. I even found out we had a company psychologist that we can see whenever we want. And it also means I get a half day every Monday!
I'll be starting CBT on the 10th March, and no doubt I'll write a post about it, so stay tuned!