Monday, 9 December 2013

This Blog's About To Get Personal: I have Anxiety and Depression



Since I was a kid, I have had serious anxiety issues. I only recently found this out, and today the doctor confirmed it. She also confirmed something I didn't really intend on talking about or want to admit: that I also suffer from depression.

She also said that a good way to help get over it is by talking about it. She prescribed me counselling and said (knowing that I was into my writing/blogging etc.) that I should write about it on my blog. However, telling my parents and people close to me is a lot harder. Its funny but I've gotten so used to keeping it all bottled up that I can't let it out.

I told my boyfriend earlier, because I thought that if I were to blog about it, the worst place he could find out about it is on here (being as we have each other on twitter). So I told him. I tried not to make too big a deal about it. He was OK with it.

I missed the perfect opportunity to tell my parents earlier. I'd told them I'd gone for blood tests a few weeks ago and that today I was getting the result. I only told them the bit about me being anemic (yep, have anemia too!) but couldn't get the rest out. Then I realized it had been too long since the doctors was mentioned and would then be well awkward if I bought it back up (haha classic anxiety). Luckily, there is no way they'll find out about it on here, so I can get away with this post.

So how did I manage to tell the doctor and not my own parents?

Basically, I've had this anxiety for so long I panic about having it, if that makes sense. I know the symptoms and when I feel those pains (whether they're to do with anxiety or not) I start to panic. One of the worst symptoms of it is a bad stomach ache, which can sometimes lead to diarrhea. When I feel any stomach cramp, period pain, indigestion etc. I really fear the diarrhea bit, especially if I'm in a place where I can't access a toilet etc.

I've managed to deal with it my whole life: doing breathing exercises to calm myself down, trying to get out of the situation etc. But since starting work and being out of the house for 12 hours every day, it's got really bad. Couple this with my feelings of depression have made it unbearable.

And because I never relax, when I do get some time off, where I don't stress, I just come down with colds and flus and other illnesses. So I had to do something about it. I couldn't just sit in work anymore without it happening.

I had to tell the doctor, but the nature of it makes it embarrassing to tell anyone else. So I'm just going to leave it for now.


2 comments:

  1. I know that someone else shouting "Me too!" probably doesn't help, but I can relate. Anxiety, depression and panic attacks? Check, check and check. I've contemplated suicide every day of my life since the age of eleven — my ability to procrastinate knows no bounds! (I'm also being sarcastic, so don't panic). I just wanted to say that you're brave to get help, to write about it, and to tell the people who love you. Who you tell and when you tell them is first and foremost your decision. The people who love you will understand — they want you to be healthy and happy. But you get to decide what 'healthy and happy' means for you — it's your life, afterall. Hang in there. Take good care of yourself. And KEEP WRITING.

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    1. Thanks so much for your comment! I hope that by writing about my feeling others will find some kind of solace or awareness to how they are feeling. I think its good to know you are not alone in some ways. I hope you find a way to overcome your feelings. Make sure you look after yourself!

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